most read blog in Greenback, Old Tazwell,
and Hornwald has announced a total reorganization.
Due to the complexion of the financial
market
and an unmanageable debt, The Media Report has sold controlling
interest to the noted Mexican financier,
Uno Richsumbitch.
On the editorial side of the
page the cost of reporters, writers
and editors has been slashed by
following the money savings model of
the E.W. Scripps Co. outlined below.
1. The 401K plan has now been
scrapped, all those eligible or
contributing to the old 401K plan
will now be on board with the new
plan. All questions about where
your money is now should be sent in
writing to GOWHISTLEUPYOURASSFORIT
@ Manhattan, New York, United States
and please put to the attention of..
Bernard Madoff.
2. All "remaining" staff
will be cut back to a two day
work week, with a minimum of
24 required work hours per day.
4. All staff working hours over 40 will
be given the world famous Chinese
Over Time,
5. All reporters will stop reporting
and begin making up a minimum of
three stories an hour.
6. All stories must be sponsored by
either the writer or a rich relative of
said writer.
With the new influx of cash
The Media Report will be
able to continue to
sponsor their racing team,
,featuring the fastest gal
driver in the sport Mona Mamothmounds
The new publisher of The Media
Report is excited to continue
the tradition of reporting all
the news fit to make up concerning
both the local tribes and now
the cable, over the air, and
new digital media minions.
All contributions (posts) will
still be unedited, welcome and
revered by the new management
team and the very small but
well paid staff of writers
left in the bunker.
On a sad note, Management
at The Media Report
regrets to inform
all employees who went to
lunch yesterday and upon returning
found their desk contents
on the street and the locks changed
that "IF" you felt some of your personal items
were not returned to you, we will not
be taking your calls or meeting with you
to discuss the situation.
If you persist in calling and
dropping by to continue the discussion
we suggest you take it up with
our new SECURITY GUARD,
Lamar...
