THE VERY LAST WEEK TO BUY ME SOMETHING!
The staff has taken the entire week off to shop and decorate so we will use the space for some holiday thoughts. As for the standard Christmas shows, NBC did their one night only showing of It’s a Wonderful Life and the best I could do was hang in until the drug store dude boxed the kid's ears. Sunday night Christmas Vacation was on TBS twice and The Christmas Story will run a full 24 hours starting Christmas Eve on several cable channels.
Beth Green is inviting everyone to an
Beth
I invited myself into the deal and they are going to let me do a tune as well as play with the real musicians in attendance. If you know where the old Alcoa swimming pool is you can find the church and as Beth said everyone is invited.
I got this note from someone who obviously moved from the frozen north and after reading what those tired folks have to put up with in the winter I can see why they MOVED SOUTH!
Diary of a Snow Shoveler, Author unknown
December 8: 6:00 PM.
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the
wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the
window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt
like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9:
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic
sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for
the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did
both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the
snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed
in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life.
December 12:
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a
disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry; we'll
definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas
would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end
of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't
think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man I'm glad he's
our neighbor.
December 14:
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to
-20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my
breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and
sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this
afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I
would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll
certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff
and puff so.
December 15:
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the
electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in
Alaska, after all.
December 16:
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the
driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed
for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17:
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets
on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try
not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove,
but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I
can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20:
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling. Took all day. %^#$^ snowplow
came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but
they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're
lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about
buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another
shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to
shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think
he's lying.
December 22:
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches
of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably
won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all
dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss. By
the time I got undressed, and dressed again. I was
too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his
truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy.
I think the asshole is lying.
December 23:
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0o. The wife
wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she nuts!!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a
month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24:
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the
jerk who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the
snow by his thumbs. I know he hides around the corner and
waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the
street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where
I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas
Carols with her and open our presents, but I was busy
watching for the snowplow.
December 25:
Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I
hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a
donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The
wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's an idiot. If
I have to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm
going to kill her.
December 26:
Still snowed in. Why did I ever move here? It was
all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27:
Temperature dropped to -30o and the pipes froze.
December 28:
Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in.
December 29:
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it
could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How
dumb does he think I am?
December 30:
Roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a
million dollars. The wife went home to her mother. 9"
predicted.
December 31:
Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
As they say on EZ 88.30 "Have your self a merry little Christmas!"
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