Still on Injured Reserve

Staff is still down with a dual case
of the phillipean Fallaparts and
the BrainscrambledVapors but
because of what Ferris Bueller
would call "choice" stories
in the news Old Joe the
Sanitation Engineer thought he would
get something out there for the bored
and cabin crazy.



First Joe is both bipolar and bipartisan so don't go
jumping him over the wild and crazy things this
primary season is birthing in the news!


BREAKING NEWS

HOW IT ALL STARTED:


Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to the
coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.


The 2 most important events in all of history were the
invention of beer and
the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to
the beer.
These were the foundation of modern
civilization and together
were the catalyst
for the splitting of humanity into 2
distinct subgroups:


Liberals and Conservatives.


Once beer was discovered it required grain and that
was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum
can were invented yet, so while our
early human ancestors were sitting
around waiting for them to be invented,
they just stayed close to the
brewery.

That's how villages were formed.


Some men spent their days
tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at
night
while they were drinking beer.
This was the beginning of what is
known as "the Conservative movement."


Other men who were weaker and less
skilled at hunting learned to live
off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly
B-B-Q's
and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing.
This was the beginning of the Liberal
movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved
into women.
The rest became known as 'girliemen.'


Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats,the invention of group
therapy, group hugs and the
concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives
provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by
the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals
are symbolized by the
jackass.


Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),
but most prefer
white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw
fish but like their beef
well done. Sushi , tofu, and French food are standard
liberal fare.


Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of
their women have
higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social
workers, personal
injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood
and group therapists
are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter
rule because it
wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.


Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat
and still provide
for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,
rodeo cowboys,
lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical
doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and
generally anyone who
works productively. Conservatives who own companies
hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.


Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers
and decide what to do with the production. Liberals
believe Europeans are
more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of
the liberals remained
in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.
They crept in after
the Wild West was tame and created a business of
trying to get MORE for
nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary
urge to
respond to the above before simply laughing and
forwarding it.
A Conservative will be so convinced of the absolute
truth of this history
that it will be forwarded immediately.