Friday 9-29-06


I was ready to make a new tin hat and restock my bunker with canned goods and fresh shot gun shells when an anonymous E-mail floated over my cyber transom before dawn.

The "it had to be true cause it was on the web" post said that when that cowhand saw the space ship crash back in 1947 near Roswell that thing coming out of the clouds carried the corner stone of today's Democratic PARTY!

I kid you not, thing said that in of March 1948, exactly NINE months after the thing made the hard landing in New Mexico the following babies were born! You had baby Al Gore, Baby Hilla Rottingham (later Bill's wife), baby John F. Kerry, baby William Jefferson Clinton (I know if this is right he DID marry his sister but hell they were from Arkansas the state even Kentucky looks down on) baby Howard Dean, baby Nancy Pelosi, baby Dianne Feinstein, baby Charles E. Schumer, and baby Barbra Boxer!

Just about the time I loaded by .45 and pinned on my I Like Ike button another E mail flew in saying some lonely man living in a one room shack in Montana had done googled all the above and posted their real birthdays;
Hillary Clinton: October 26, 1947
John Kerry: December 11, 1943
Bill Clinton - August 19, 1946
Howard Dean - November 17, 1948
Nancy Pelosi - March 26, 1940 Dianne Feinstein - June 22, 1933
Charles Schumer - November 23, 1950
Barbara Boxer - November 11, 1940

Kinda hated to see the second E mail, the first one had really cleared up a ton of questions!


Chuck Sheen, the son of the former TV leader of the free world and now star of Two and a Half Men is cutting a deal with Warner Brothers Television to be paid $350,000 American dollars for ever episode of the show. Yep, same show that co-stars the pencil necked geek who played Ducky opposite Molly Ringworm in that high school movie where she made her own dress for the prom and hung out with Annie Potts at the record store. Bottom line is Sheen's pay breaks down to $2916.66 a minute or as Chuck explained it to his old man thirty hookers an hour.


A judge in the Big Apple has told Liza Minneli's X old man there is no "triable issue of fact" in his case. The dude was lawing Liza cause he said she not only yelled at him but also cold cocked him with a sucker punch when she was pulling hard on the Russian Joy Juice. Said it would take at least 10 million "Liza Dollars" for him to get over the trauma of her right hook.

Lord it gets better he also said that Liza had thrown a lamp at him in a London hotel and then smacked him in the face with her fists when he tried to calm her down. Son anyone knows when a woman throws furniture you leave the room and everyone knows if you hang around to calm them down you are going to catch one in the nose.

Case dismissed!

Thursday
The SECOND Clinton/ Wallace interview


Wallace…Mr. President I would like to apologize for Sunday and move on. Forget the dot thing, let me just ask if you felt you did everything in your power to protect the American people while in office, one simple question, is that OK?

Clinton…I will be glad to answer all of your questions but first, what the hell happened to your old man?? Hell he looks like some Peruvian mummy they just dug out of a mud bank five miles out of Lima!

Wallace… Mr. President the question was…

Clinton… (Interrupting and pointing a finger) I know the question, but hold on a minute, YOU tell me why you won't just admit you are trying to get that vampire looking Colmes tossed so you can spoon with Hannity in prime..and another thing, why won't you admit it that you leaked that picture of Babs to DRUDGE?? Don't give me that smirk, you know the one with her in that black see through job and her cans flopping like half filled water balloons?

Wallace… Hold on now, I have asked you a simple question and you….

Clinton… (Standing and waving his chair over his head) Now buddy! YOU hold on, before I unload this 1300 dollar Herman Miller across your jaw, why don't you ask that same question to Hillary?? Don't you have the guts?

Wallace… (Jumping up and hiding behind a no neck floor producer) Mr. President, put the chair down! We will get her on the phone..No hold on I am being told she is on the phone now. Just calm down and I will be glad to ask her.

Clinton… (Dropping the chair and sitting back down) That’s better, Hilla, honey are you there?

Mrs. Clinton….Yes Bill I can hear you and I can answer. But first let me ask you, did you remember to roll the trash to the street this morning after I left for work?

Clinton…No let me ask you honey, which trash were you talking about the kitchen trash, the trash in the garage or the normal clutter in the rumpus room?

Mrs. Clinton… I am asking about the big trash, you know the one on wheels outside, did you roll it to the street this morning. Or did you just roll over and after you were sure I was gone, ask that little tramp of an upstairs maid to put on your old Hot Springs High School Band tunic and make HER roll it out? Simple question, just answer it please.

Mr. Clinton… (Standing and waving a finger at the camera) Listen to me AMERICA, I did NOT ASK THAT HOT HOOCHIE MAMMA TO ROLL THE TRASH TO THE STREET. (Kicking the 1300 dollar Herman Miller chair across the room and exiting but still with microphone on) WHO BOOKED ME ON THIS THING? GET THE CAR AND CALL CNN, I DON'T CARE IF BRITTANY JUST DROPPED ANOTHER ONE TELL THEM THEIR PRESIDENT WANTS AIR TIME AND WILL BE THERE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, OH AND LEAK SOMETHING TO THE NEW YORK TIMES ABOUT THIS WALLACE PUNK HAVING A HAIR CUT JUST LIKE ALFRED E. NEWMAN'S!

MEDIA COLUMN
SUNDAY
92406






















Here is an abbreviated media column driven by the fact that just about NOTHING is going on locally with our media minions!

Almost a month ago we reported who the new News Director for WATE would be and on the 15th of this month they finally sent out the press release. Lets' all look at it and then let's see what it means!

PRESS RELEASE


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Friday, September 15, 2006


NEW WATE 6 NEWS DIRECTOR


(Knoxville) ABC affiliate WATE 6 has announced that Jamie Foster will be its new News Director. Jamie comes to WATE-TV from WJLA-TV the ABC affiliate in Washington D.C. He has been the News Director there since April 2003. Jamie has also worked, in various management roles, at a number of other strong television news stations, such as: WFAA-TV in Dallas; KNBC-TV in Los Angeles; WSVN-TV in Miami; and WJZ-TV in Baltimore.
“Jamie has very strong news credentials and solid news judgment,” says Jan Wade, President and General Manager of WATE 6. “He has held a number of management positions at very good news stations all across the country,” adds Wade. “Jamie has worked in many newsrooms that do the same type of broadcast journalism and investigative reporting that we do at WATE. He’s a consummate professional and first rate journalist.”
“I’m extremely excited about this opportunity. There are a lot of very talented people both in front of and behind the camera at WATE. It’s a station that is really on the rise and I hope to help it continue to grow.” says Jamie.
Foster begins his tenure at WATE as its new news director later this month, according to Wade. “He will fit in very well here and we are quite excited to have him joining our team” adds Wade.







Standard "fill in the new guy's name here" stuff. If you wanta check out his old station you can do the ask.com thing and plug in WJZ-TV (Baltimore). That was what I did when I got the call from the 6 mole that he had been hired. They (WJZ) do the "THIS PLACE IS SERVING SALAD AT LESS THAN 41 DEGREES AND WE FOUND A DIRTY KNIFE RIGHT NEXT TO THE OPEN SPAM CAN" stuff that WATE does.
I did notice the market standing (Baltimore) was higher than Knoxville. If you move D O W N in market size you do it for the money (stop laughing, it could happen in say a dream?) or to get into management. According to the "fill in the blanks" release Jamie had already ridden the management horse? I will let you talk among yourselves on why the market shift.
As for the remark about starting his tenure, that kinda takes on a completely new meaning at WATE! I can count 5 no hold on 6, is it 6 news directors coming and going at the station in the not too distant past. Lets see, WBIR has handed over the reins once in the same time period and WVLT (the guys who are running WATE into the ground in news) has changed, oh hold on VLT has NOT changed at all.
Back in the olden times if a radio station couldn't move up the General Manager told the Program Director to get new DJs or he was fired. That worked once, if it still didn't move the PD was canned. The third time the General Manager hired a new consultant and if that didn't work, the day after the GM fired the consultant he was seen going down the hall with that famous box and a severance check! Let's keep our eyes pealed on the over-nights and see where everyone is standing after Santa comes to visit.

Great NEWS on the local FILM FRONT! A personal South Knoxville favorite (JOHNNY KNOXVILLE) is back and he had a BIG box office opening of his NEW MOVIE!


The flick took in a bruising $11.9 million Friday and $10 million Saturday at 3,059 theaters Friday for what was a huge $29.2 million opening weekend.
Hit-starved Paramount brass will be thrilled, although the idea for turning the MTV series into a movie pre-dates current management of the studio.
Among other movies opening this weekend, Sony's remake of All the King's Men was a flop despite its illustrious cast including Sean Penn and Anthony Hopkins, finishing #6 by eking out only $1.2 million Friday and $1.5 mil in 1,514 theaters.

SATURDAY!




STORMS






The VOls play at home today and it is homecoming on the hill, but when the dogs and I went on the upper deck this morning we saw THESE floating over Little River toward Stately Walls Of Old UT! Kick Off is around 4 so we will remain in a holding pattern on attending until 2.


Tomorrow the old media column will be back and stay up until Monday evening. This week has been way too much fun with all the old pictures and the national idiocy that has passed for actual NEWS. Unless something really stupid is reported Monday we will keep the media column up. THANK YOU for reading and sending your comments. As always I am hunting any and all pictures of local media children at work or play. Drop me a note in the comment box along with your e mail address and I will get with you on posting them!

Friday 9 22 06

From dirty dancing to the cooling off of the global warming rage, the stories today are just outstanding!




A furor over what Concord (New Hampshire) High School administrators call an "overtly sexual" style of dancing at school dances has split the school community: There are those who defend the student's right to dance however they want and those who believe the moves are just plain inappropriate.

The single man trying to stop the dance is Reverend Shaw Moor, who has an uncanny resemblance to the actor John Lithgow. He said, "the school will cancel all remaining dances, including the upcoming homecoming dance, unless students step forward to help halt the "grinding."
"This style of dancing is wrong, "If you were to see it, you would be equally offended."

Asked by parents to describe the dance, Reverend Shaw offered this: The girl leans forward and the boy puts his pelvis against her backside. Then, he thrusts."

The entire situation was suddenly diffused when a man smelling of "alcohol" suggested to those near him the children should return to the dances of their grandparents. The buzz soon reached the podium and Reverend Moore invited him forward identify himself and the dance that would pull the children away from the lurid grinding. Speaking in a loud but slurred speech the overweight older man mumbled that his name was John 'Bluto' Blutarsky and after a pause screamed GATOR!





Despite the long term warming trend that the wife of a hack drummer and big time looser in the race for the leader of the free world says is going on around the globe, the oceans have cooled in the last three years, scientists announced today.

The former right hand man to Bill Clinton added "This cooling is probably natural climate variability. The oceans today are still warmer than they were during the 1980s, and most scientists expect the oceans will eventually continue to warm in response to human-induced climate change." Crying before an ice cube slowly melting in a pan, the concluded by saying. "Come on guys if the globe was not heating up why would Babs and Dick Branson be throwing all this money into stopping it? No, come back, don't leave??"



Serbian man needed emergency surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.


Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade, says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation.
But he ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his "little pal" severely lacerated.


A hospital spokesman said: "The animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the encounter. Zoran told reporters from his hospital bed, "Next time I stick to SHEEP!"

THURSDAY



WOW at last some G R E A T news! We have Katie falling and Kinky scaring the professional politicians, ALL IN THE SAME DAY!





Katie Couric is slip sliding away faster than you can say, "Dress up and then SHUT UP!"


The left coast chat show (love the way the British describe fluff programming) host, turned SAVIOR for CBS has jumped the shark, no make that the entire ocean! As fast the CBS Evening news went up it has come down! Could be we got tired of seeing a gal in a rumpled white blouse pushing her agenda on the network that gave us Dan "Sure I made it up" Rather. Or it may have been "perky" just doesn't translate to informing the nation of earth shaking and at times life changing events. Either way, the house of Nielsen has spoken and she is officially on the ratings "slip and slide" of death! Really for fifteen million a year (comes to $4109.00 a day) you would have thought the gal could have afforded an iron and a Fantastic Sams haircut!
Here is the way this mornings numbers shook out for the late Kate!


COURIC SLIPPING AWAY: ABC 'WORLD NEWS' 2X AUDIENCE OF COURIC 'CBS EVENING NEWS' ON WEDNESDAY IN NYC AND LOS ANGELES... IN CHICAGO, ABC PULLED 4X COURIC AUDIENCE; ABC OVER CBS 3X IN PHILLY



I LOVE KINKY FRIEDMAN!! WHY?? Here is one of the thousands of reasons..



"I don't eat tamales in the barrio, I don't eat fried chicken in the ghetto, I don't eat bagels with the Jews for breakfast," said Friedman, who is Jewish. "That to me is true racism."


Up front let me tell you reading and even worse writing about politics is about as much fun as pushing knitting needles up a cat's nose make that a rats nose. The reason is simple the vast majority of politicians are people you would NEVER allow in your home! Think about it, invite Ted Kennedy over and next thing you know you are in court for over serving a guest. Granted you had no idea all those trips to your guest bathroom were to drink the cough medicine dry and it was two days before you found the liquor cabinet empty. But still one wrong turn into another tidal pond on the way home and one more set of panties knocked into the glove compartment and YOU are in court! Face it most if not all of them will lie to you so they can get elected so later they can steal from everyone. Facts is facts and parts are parts.

That said, I LOVE KINKY FRIEDMAN and if I lived in TEXAS he would get my vote big time for GOVERNOR!

He is so grass roots he shakes like a tuning fork when he drives by the Snapper display at Home Depot. This author, singer, dog lover and giant hat wearer is trying to run without a party or an organization and he is scaring the dog doo doo out of the professional thieves (politicians) on the ballot.

How do we KNOW Kinky is scaring them?

Because they are letting the press DAWGS loose on him. First sign the pros are scared of you is when you see an attempt to smear you in the papers!

Star-Telegram and the Houston Chronicle have reported on an interview with Friedman that aired on CNBC last year in which the country singer and comedian was asked what to do with sexual predators.

Answer?

"Throw them in prison and throw away the key and make them listen to a Negro talking to himself," Friedman said. He also called "Negro" a "charming word."
State Rep. Garnet Coleman, former chairman of the Texas Legislative Black Caucus, said the remarks are unacceptable from a candidate for governor, and sound more like something uttered by someone running for "class clown or the grand wizard of the Ku Klux Klan!"

SEE they are after him! You don't dig up something from a year ago unless you are quaking in your Gucci loafers over the thought of having your hands REMOVED from the tax payers wallet! Kinky is starting to rock their shadowy world!! Here is MORE.

"The independent candidate already was under fire for referring to Hurricane Katrina evacuees in Texas as "crackheads and thugs." That remark was taken as a slap at black victims of the storm"

GO GET UM KINKY!!!!!!!

Oh and from the mouth of one of the government vampires comes...
"Democratic candidate Chris Bell said he was offended by Friedman's remark, and added, "I just don't think those types of comments have a place in this campaign."

Bless his heart!


Most folks trying to correct the crooked ship of state would just ignore a smear like this but KINKY is not "most folks" and that is why he should be governor.

"If I've got to lie to people, sweep the truth under the rug and worry about offending people, I'm not going to be very effective," Friedman said.
His spokeswoman said part of the "Negro" line was derived from a book Friedman wrote in the late 1980s that was being discussed in the CNBC interview before Friedman used the phrase.

If you want to help him get elected go to his web site, kinkyfriedman.com/vote. GO KINKY!

Late Wednesday






Sean Penn may play Einstein for TV film


Sean Penn may wind up portraying legendary physicist Albert Einstein for a joint U.S.-Italian TV film production.

Penn, 46, is reportedly interested in working with writer/director Liliana Cavani, who is going to give the actor a blank check in the replication of the world's greatest mind.



Penn read the screenplay and liked the idea but really became stoked when he was given the green light to playing Einstein as Jeff Spicoli. Cavani not only agreed to the very "70s" approach but said yes to the casting list provided by Penn.

Judge Reinhold ......................Brad Hamilton
Robert Romanus ......................Mike Damone
Brian Backer ........................Mark "Rat" Ratner
Phoebe Cates ........................Linda Barrett

The film is slated to open at selected drive ins April 1st 2009






FLASH


General Motors Corp., Ford Motor Co. and four other automakers were sued by California for making vehicles that contribute to global warming, causing pollution and erosion that costs the state millions of dollars.
In response, General Motors Corp., Ford Motor Co. and four other auto makers sued California for making the movies Anchorman, DUDE, WHERE?S MY CAR?, Cable Guy, and LEGALLY BLONDE 2.


FLASH

The price U.S. drivers pay for gasoline is expected to drop another 25 cents in the short term to a national average of $2.25 a gallon, the federal Energy Information Administration said on Wednesday. The EIA also said Rosie O'Donnell will leave her girlfriend for a Pentecostal evangelist, the moon will take on a fuschia glow and disappear in two weeks,and McGhee Tyson Airport will be adding a new runway to accommodate flying swine.

Just a couple of FUN national things to report this morning.







First raise your hand if you have a granddaddy in his 70s! OK, now keep it up if he likes to ride in and at times drive a big BUS?? Fine, now if he is in his 70s, likes to ride on or drive a big bus and plays a very old guitar with worn hole in it keep them UP! Way in the back I still see two waving, GREAT! NOW, if he drives or rides the bus, is still in his 70s, plays that old guitar with the hole and likes to roll a doobie on the bus now and .... Oh, OK, lost you. NO the Nelson KID IS STILL WAVING IN THE BACK!

Yep ON THE ROAD AGAIN has done it AGAIN!

Willie Nelson and several fellow musicians were rolling along near New Orleans when their tour bus was boarded by a state trooper who got a hit of the blue smoke coming out of the long dog! Reportedly the stop was near the beautiful hamlet of Lafayette, Louisiana and according to Willie it was for a routine commercial inspection. INSPECTION? Lord boys, toss the roaches and hand me the GLADE!!

Apparently the smell got the trooper's attention and when he climbed on the bus he found dang near two pounds of those left handed filterless cigarettes and about two-tenths of a pound of "happy" mushrooms!

If it were you and I out for a ride in the RV and we picked up a pilgrim who was packing a couple of pounds of dope we would still be under the jail! Looks like Willie will be facing six months, a fine and oh yea, the LOSS of his commercial driving privileges! Bless his heart!




Ever hit seek and have the radio stop on a station that sounds like those guys looking for day work in the Home Depot parking lot? Guess what kids, those stations are starting to grow!

"SPANISH-LANGUAGE RADIO STATIONS NOW TOP RATED NYC AND LOS ANGELES IN NEW TREND... WSHQ 5.8 SHARE... KLVE 5.6"

Locally (Knoxville market) we have two and ONE is climbing toward the top ten in ratings. As Zimmy said 40 years ago, The Times They Are A Changing!


Good old WATE finally sent out a press release announcing their new News Director and as soon as I figure out what file I saved it in I will post the sucker.


THANKS again for finding the media blog, send me your pictures and thoughts or just thoughts and we will see where this adventure takes us! Have a goodern!!












FLASH THIS JUST IN!!


Tiger Woods has reacted with fury after a Dublin magazine printed topless photos of a woman which it wrongly claimed it was the superstar golfer's wife.

Woods and the United States team are said to be "appalled" by the article in the latest issue of the Dubliner, which portrays the players' wives and girlfriends as cheap on the eve of the Ryder Cup.

The photograph purporting to be of Woods's wife Elin Nordegren appears in the September issue of the listings magazine. Under the headline "Ryder Cup filth for Ireland" is a picture of a topless woman.

More

Tiger's wife in topless pics storm as the WABs* fly in
* that's wives and birdies, of course

The article continues: "Most American golfers are married to women who cannot keep their clothes on in public. Is it too much to ask that they leave them at home for the Ryder Cup?

"Consider the evidence - Tiger Woods's wife Elin Nordegren - can be found in a variety of sweaty poses on porn sites across the web..."

But the photo is not of the 26-year-old Swedish model. Sources close to the American team said Woods was dismayed at the publication and other members of the US side were very unhappy. An interview with Lance "Tin Cup" Duffer gave irrefutable proof the pictures were not of Elin. "Heavens no, those can't be her. Her cans are bigger than Montana, no make that Wyoming, hold on. Fuzzy, which is bigger Montana or Wyoming? Thanks, Fuzzy says make that TEXAS!"

It goes on to claim that Chad Campbell's wife Amy is a " largechested singer" and suggests that Jim Furyk's wife Tabitha " married geeky Jim as his winnings hit £10 million". The piece also says Sonya Toms, wife of David, finds it "liberating" to wear her bikini around the house. It added that she hates it when Tom tries to wear them on his head but she did say she had broken him of wearing her bras on practice rounds."

The magazine has been banned from the team's hotel. Reports are copies are sold out at the airport but the caddies are buying them from a short man named Freddie behind the dumpster in the north alley.

This is the first cyber media column and it has the feel of the first day at school, the last day at camp,and the day the lost puppy showed up on the front porch.

Here is the deal, we and that is ALL of us are going to participate. I will write, you will comment and we will all form the circle and sing Kum Ba Ya, sounds simple because I am simple!

Always keep in mind that all media (especially NEWS) is agenda driven and if we are going to glean any facts we best have our Fib-Dar at warp speed and our since of humor cocked and read to fire. If you wanta bash, admire, enhance or just wonder at our local and national news creators then you have found the right spot. The COMMENT section is wide open and if you ever have problems with a post then e mail it to me (wjonair1@aol.com) and I will make SURE it gets in the next column.

I will try to have a new column up by Sunday afternoon and because we are no longer hampered by deadlines I will amend and add daily if things pop up.

Here is another way you can help. If you have any old pictures of local or national media events (radio remotes, TV shows, personalities living and dead,whatever..) send them in and let us all see them! I will be posting my old files as we go along and if you can add then please do!

Ok, that's about it for now. I will have some things about last week and this week up tonight so check back.

Thanks for reading the column for the last 15 years. It isn't dead just expanding and may find a "hard copy" home in the very near future. Until then, drop by right here. We will both try to keep you up on what is happening and at the same time be looking forward to your thoughts!

WJ