FLASH THIS JUST IN!!!!!!!!
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration.
The unflinching arrogance of the Bush Administration is prompting the
exodus among liberal citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt,
pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a
Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red
Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,
exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some
free-range chicken.
When I said I
didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
screenplay."
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So, he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The
liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't
give milk"
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near
the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across
the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people
are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said.
"I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a
pleasant little Napa Valley cabernet, though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have
been
circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in
which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.
Liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping
buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't
identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Walk Show, we get suspicious
about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating
an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon
movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just
can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the
administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to
Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And, we
might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is
determined to reach out."
TWO GIANT SHOWS! OK, they are free how is that?
THE NEW Walmart in Maryville
Brought to you by WJBZ
11 AM
Saturday (as in THIS SATURDAY)
THEN
ROCKEN THE DOCKS
Brought to you by Metro Pulse
THIS SATURDAY
At the dam
3 PM
Here is the skinny...come out and see us we are old, fun, odd, playful, sober,
and did I say old?
The winter book is out and the new country station over in Halls/Clinton
has gone from nothing to a 1.4! WIVK was down to a 20 and B 97 is still
under a 10.
Check it out!Did you kids take the time to go over to knoxnews.com and SEE the interview with the
BOOM BOOM who gave an "oral" thank you to the THP officer? THIS is the future of newspapers and "Andy it is BIG REALLY BIG!" First the gal isn't really all that bad looking in a cute sort of "I will NEVER take this one home to Momma but boy will I tell all the guys at work about her" way and she flat gives a good interview. Relaxed (guess it comes from being on camera so much) and really does make you believe her!
CHECK IT OUT!Stone Phillips is NBC's latest cost-cutting casualty...
Stone Phillips to Leave 'Dateline NBC'
Stone Phillips is leaving "Dateline NBC," the television news magazine he has co-anchored since it debuted in 1992, and NBC News at the end of June.
Ann Curry, the news anchor for "Today" as well as Mr. Phillips's co-anchor since May 2005, is not expected to get a new "Dateline" co-anchor due to the fact the show sucks like a Orick. There have been discussions about having correspondents that are heavily invested in certain projects, such as "Today Catch a Predator's" Chris Hansen, playing an anchor-like role when their reports air but several members of the inter circle are voting for either Cooking With David Hasselhoff or The Gerbil Whisperer with Richard Gear.
"Dateline NBC" executive producer David Corvo conveyed the news Tuesday morning to a meeting at which Mr. Phillips said management had informed him of the change a couple of months ago when they took his name off his door, steel brushed his parking sign and sprinkled salt around his desk.
Mr. Phillips's career twist, following closely on the recent exit of weekend "Nightly News" anchor John Siegenthaler, comes as NBC News tightens its belt and demands more of its on- and off-camera staffers.
"It's been a wonderful 15 years. I'm profoundly appreciative of the many friends and colleagues, past and present, who have been a part of the 'Dateline family, as for the executives who have to make the hard calls I hope you slide under a tanker truck and taste your own blood just before the dripping gas ignites." Mr. Phillips also said in a statement released by an NBC News spokesperson. "This is a great news division with a bright future at CBS. The people of NBC News should all apply over there they will hire anybody!"
The spokesperson also released statements from Mr. Corvo and from NBC News President Steve Capus, who credited Mr. Phillips with a long list of accomplishments.
"On behalf of 'Dateline,' and all of us at NBC News, I want to extend my thanks and appreciation to Stone for all he has contributed to NBC News during his tenure here," Mr. Capus said. "His work on 'Dateline' over the past 15 years has been remarkable, as evidenced by the unprecedented awards Stone and the program have won, including 39 Emmys and four Peabodys but as we all know awards don't sell the soap and frankly we are glad to get is ass out of here."
Mr. Phillips joined NBC News to co-anchor "Dateline" with Jane Pauley after 12 years at ABC News and is headed now to a new show on My Space.
OK many moons ago I used to play golf just about every dang day with young men who
carried an extra club in their bag. Canadian CLUB and often by the turn they were
higher than a Georgia Pine. Yep, not only did they loose golf balls but these guys lost CLUBS, HATS, GLOVES and at times their way home after the round. This one beats that all to heck,
check it out!
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