Subject: this just in
The Miami Conference on Christology, meeting for the past two weeks, issued its findings this morning in a 1,456 page treatise. Theological scholars from all over the world, including the Darrell K. Royal Chair of Theology and Athletics at Harvard University, declared, without equivocation, that contrary to recent claims, Tim Tebow is NOT, in fact, Jesus. While the report has been met with outrage in some circles, theological faculty at Yale, Fuller, Gordon-Conwell, Oxford, and Cambridge issued statements supporting the conferences findings. Pope Benedict followed by issuing an encyclical entitled, “Postmodernism and Tim Tebow: The Christological Conundrum.” Roman Catholics, especially those at the University of Notre Dame, hailed the Pope for his strong and clear leadership in strongly defining where Tim Tebow fits in the pantheon of saints (just below Mother Theresa) and whether current Catholics can pray to Tebow (“only in dire circumstances.”) The Pope denied rumors that following last night’s game, Tebow had turned the Gatorade into wine and fed the crowd of 70,000 with only four hot dog buns and two hamburger patties, with 74 garbage bags of buns left over. Representatives from Benny Hinn Ministries immediately tried to take credit for providing the food.
Scholars were still undecided on the significance of Urban Meyer’s post game comments when he said, “As Charlie Strong and I walked away from Tebow’s house after our first recruiting visit, he said to me, ‘Urban, were not our hearts burning as we sat along side him on the couch?”
Representatives from the PCUSA, United Methodist Church, Southern Baptist Convention, Episcopal USA, and Worldwide Lutheranism planned to make a statement today in support of the Miami Conference findings, denying, yet again, that Tim Tebow is Jesus.
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