DARK WEEK

BAD BAD WEEK FOR THE ECONOMY, THE NATION,
THE WORLD, THE UNIVERSE, THE....well you
get the idea.

Zeek is over the suck news so last night he took over the Linotype
and churned out a WEEKEND MD complete with his favorite
pictures and some jokes he has used over the years
at the Chatter Box to charm more than a few soiled doves into
over nighting at his single wide in Walland.

SMILE, things will get worse!!!

NEW FOR SUNDAY>>>>>THIS WEEK IS
A S H O R T ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!


Top Ten Things that Sound Dirty at Thanksgiving but Aren’t…
10. “Just reach in and grab the giblets.”

9. “Whew…that’s one terrific spread!”

8. “I am in the mood for a little dark meat!”

7. “Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.”

6. “Talk about a HUGE breast!”

5. “And he forces his way into the end zone!”

4. “She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.”

3. “It’s cool whip time!”

2. “If I don’t unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!”

. . . and the number one thing that sounds dirty at Thanksgiving but isn’t . .

1. “It must be broken ’cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.”


An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding, his mission was to produce the perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone.

After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. 'Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!' They all asked the farmer how it tasted.

'I don't know, 'said the farmer, 'I never could catch it!'


Question...
is it a tad EARLY FOR
THIS OR NOT?
IMPEACH OBAMA STORE
All the Liberal bashing apparel a good Patriot could want.




NEW FOR SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?
'cause he was dead...
why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree?
'cause he was dead too...
why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree?
peer pressure...





What's the biggest drawback in the jungle?
The Elephants foreskin.




What is the Australian for foreplay?
Brace yourself, Sheila!
And the Welsh?
Are you awake, Gwen?



An old lady owned two monkeys. One day they both died, so she took them to the taxodermist, 'So you want them mounted?' asked the taxidermist. To which she replied ; 'No. Holding hands will do just fine.'





What did the german clockmaker say to the clock that only went 'tick, tick, tick'?
'Ve haff vays of making you tock!'


Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children." St. Peter lets him enter.
The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." St. Peter tells him to go ahead.
The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."
St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But," he adds, "you can only stay for three days. After that, you can go to hell."


Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"
A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."
After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Joe comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"


Proudly showing off his new apartment to a friend late one night, the drunk led the way to the bedroom, where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that brass gong for?" asked the friend.
"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.
"A talking clock? How's it work?"
"Watch this," said the drunk. He took a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and waited. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "Hey, you jerk. It's 3:00 in the morning!"


Why did the cowboy buy a dachshund?
Someone told him to get a long little doggy.









A guy walks into a bar and there's a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, "What are you staring at? Haven't you ever seen a horse tending bar before?" The guy says, "It's not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place."


A man got pulled over by a cop because he was weaving in and out of the lanes. The cop got out of his car and asked the driver to blow in a breath-analyzer tube to check his alcohol level.
"Oh, no," the driver said. "I can't do that. If I do that, I'll have an asthma attack and die."
"OK," said the officer, "let's go down to the station and you can pee in a cup to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a diabetic and if I pee my blood sugar level will go down so low that I might die."
"Fine then. Let's go to the station and take a blood test to check your alcohol level."
"Oh, no, I can't do that. I'm a hemophiliac and I'll never stop bleeding if you draw my blood.
"All right then, just step outside your car and walk this white line for me."
"Oh, no, I can't do that."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
>


Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder and a giraffe walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"


How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers.


A bear walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer ............ and some of those peanuts."
The bartender says, "Sure, but why the big paws?"


Do you know about the two TV antennas that got married? The wedding was terrible, but the reception was terrific.



The 16th tee featured a fairway that ran along a road. The first golfer in a foursome teed off and hooked the ball. It soared over the fence and bounced onto the street, where it hit the tire of a moving bus and ricocheted back onto the fairway.
As they all stood in amazement, one of the golfer's friends asked, "How did you do that?"
The golfer shrugged. "You have to know the bus schedule."



Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers?
A: They have two left feet.










A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve?"