Sep 28, 2008

NEW WEEK!

ZEEK RIDINGS was racing around
town last week on his hybrid
moped when he found his favorite
local talk show missing from
the AM DIAL!

Moving with the speed of
a Beagle going for a pork chop
he found 1040 ( AM ) is
no longer the voice for THE VOICE!

ZEEK got on the phone

to try to get to the bottom of
the situation but said that
every time he managed to connect
with a major player involved with
the show, rather than talking to him
they dumpedon him!

Kelvin, would just hang up on him while
all his calls to the local TV news girl/ Monday guest host
on TheVoice were somehow instantly forwarded to 911?

ZEEK RIDINGS says the most prevalent rumor is
the lack of advertising on THE VOICE caused it
to exit the AM band.

Media Report Sports Editor Carl Cruex was given
a sideline pass for the UT game down at the
Fairest City On The Plane and files the
following report.


WE SUCK!


Classifieds:

Four together on the UT 50 yard
line,two for $200.00 but if you will
take all 4 we will give you $800.00.
Call BR549 and ask for Phil.

Society Section:
Tray and Muffy McCondo
were united in holy matrimony
during the half time of the UT
AUB game. A second for both,
their two adorably lovely
sons were in attendance.
The new step brothers got
along swimmingly although
Tray's boy confided he had
money on the Vols and was
a bit upset with their play in the first half.

Sep 25, 2008

ALL IS WELL RELAX

FUN WEEKEND IN MURVLE!








YEP THIS AIN'T YOUR
GRANDDADDIES MURVILE..




THE WEEKEND:

GREAT CROWD AT THE
MEMORY WALK THIS MORNING!
THE MOUNTAIN FOLK REUNION BAND ROCKED THE
MARYVILLE COLLEGE CAMPUS SOME REALLY
OLD TUNES!


WIVKs OWN GUNNER WAS HOSTING
THE MEMORY WALK AND DONE GOT
HIMSELF GLITTERED!

BANJO BOBBY WILSON WAS
CAUGHT CLOWNING AROUND!

BOBBY TALKS POLITICS WHILE
GUNNER WONDERS WHO ATE KELLY'S BASS!

NOT ONE OF THESE MEMBERS OF VERN'S FAN CLUB
HAD EVER HEARD OF THE SONG TOM DOOLEY!











AND the South's PREMIER BLUES
CLUB
is featuring live shows Friday
and Saturday in Maryville!
IF you have yet to discover
the new downtown Maryville then
start your exploration with the
world famious BRACKINS! Great
building, outstanding music,
fun staff
all located in
a SAFE downtown that offers
FREE PARKING!

News Briefs....

Many rumors
are flying around the office keg/coffee machine about
WBIR. First, is that Kay Watson could be
leaving soon. Again rumors are what we
live for and are about as factual as any headline
in the Local Knoxville Paper, so don't send her a plant
just yet.




MR Fashion Editor George Glitter reports that the
new HD television in the staff
lounge is showing WBIR MORNING NEWS DUDE Russ wearing a spotted (looks like
food or drink or both) jacket while reading news and
his pardner is in dire need of several coats of Max Factor.
GG is not even sure if 10 is broadcasting in HD, but
the new flat screen (recently purchased at Green Acres from
Fast Freddy) is so much clearer than the old Zenith that
the spottage on the coat really jumped out!



{{{{DRUDGE POLL}}}} WHO WON THE FIRST PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE?...

MCCAIN
66% 151,209
OBAMA
32% 72,786
NEITHER
2% 5,168

Total Votes: 229,163

Sep 22, 2008

GOOD STUFF

What happened to the local paper?
Right under their nose was a story that
broke locally and then nationally over
the WEEKEND and then
late THIS AFTERNOON they finally
engaged and gave it a touch of ink?

WATE had it first, several blogs were on it along with a radio station

and by today both 8 and 10 were deep into the facts,
but the paper was QUIET?

The story was the democrat's kid who goes to UT
who reportedly splashed Sarah's
E mails
and children's CELL PHONE numbers all
over the web!

Local TV news hounds had this all weekend
and even reported on the raids by the
feds to the kid's apartment!

When the local paper did get in the game
they really took the gloves off when
they described the alleged hacker.
"David Kernell excelled at chess while at Germantown High School and won the 2004 Tennessee Open Scholastic Chess Championship."

So what is a nice Germantown kid doing in Knoxville reportedly
hacking the next Vice President's e mail? Could it be because
his daddy is a Memphis Democrat?

Still it is hard to understand HOW the local paper
could MISS it so completely?



Staff was asked if some how some way
Hillary could join the fight as VP
would first the country buy her coming back
and second would it make up the ground the
Democrats have lost since their convention.

Instantly ZEEK RIDINGS got on the phone
and found out there is a hard rumor going around
that "Pluggs" may be leaving the race in Oct. and
HILLARY may replace him!!


Question, would it replace the votes
that Sarah has pulled away from
the Democrat team? What about
Bill could the Democrat Candidate
talk Hillary into sending him to Disney
World in Japan until Spring? LOTS
of thoughts start to spin with this
great rumor, yours would be appreciated!

The OLD MAN BAND is
playing Saturday for a great
cause, check out the blog
and come on out!

Sep 20, 2008

TURN OUT THE LIGHTS


the party is over!



OK I just checked the KNS and
it is a fact, the VOLS still stink!

Zeek has enrolled at UT
taking a FOOTBALL PLAYER ONLY
Spanish class. He said the only
assignment was to memorize a card,
repeat it to anyone working in the
concrete business then drop by class
for an instant A and a job!

Here is the card!




1. Cheese
The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies:
Maria likes me, but Cheese fat.

2. Mushroom
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.

3. Shoulder
My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.

4. TEXAS
My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!

5. Herpes
Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.

6. July
Ju told me ju were going to that store and July to me! Julyer!

7. Rectum
I had 2 cars and my wife rectum!

8. Juarez
One day my gramma slapped me and I said, 'Juarez your problem?'

9. Chicken
I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

10. Wheelchair
We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry wheelchair

11. Chicken wing
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing

12. Harassment
My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.

13. Bishop
My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop

14. Body wash
I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids



OUR most FAV HISTORICAL RADIO BLOG


Is talking about a Knoxville Radio Hall of Shame..uh FAME.
It also has a look back at a very good station
that scared WIVK years ago. Naturally the FROG's
POWER put it in the ditch.
Joe Grant's picture is featured in the
story and our head photographer "Snaps"
ripped it off the second he saw it.
Dash over to the sceen of the crime and
check out the story!

Sep 19, 2008

GO VOLS!

BIG GAME TOMORROW or TODAY or YESTERDAY!


That said, the threat of a protest by
staff on the high gas situation has worked!

Prices are dropping faster that Chubby Checker
through a Sky Light AND in Nashville
they got so scared they just stopped selling gas
altogether on Friday!


Just saw a great quote that has
absolutly nothing to do with
gas but still is funny!


"A Methodist is said to be a Baptist who can read"


Sorry Jim Baker but it is funny.

Zeek Ridings got a nice bundle of
jokes making fun of the elderly.
Because most of the staff qualifies
for AARP and deep discounts at the Scooter
Store, we thought it would be
a great idea to post them.


> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> >
>> An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
>> has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
>> the dispatcher:
>>
>> 'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even
>> the accelerator!' she cried.
>>
>> The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on20the way.'
>>
>> A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She
>> got in the back-seat by mistake.'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> ________________________________________________________________________
>> > Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night
>> the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses.
>>
>> She yells to the other sisters, 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'
>>
>> The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know . I'll come up and see.' She
>> starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I going up the stairs or down?
>>
>> The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to
>> her sisters, she shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that
>> forgetful, knock on wood.'
>>
>> She then yells, 'I'll come up and help Both of you as soon as I see
>> who's at the door.'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> ________________________________________________________________________
>>
>> 'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'
>>
>> Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine
>> March day. One remarked to the Other, 'Windy, isn't it?'
>>
>> 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed
& gt;> in, 'So am I. Let's have a beer.'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> ______________________________________________________________ _________
>>
>> A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home.
>>
>> As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
>> 'Supersex.' She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping
>> her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'
>>
>> He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the
>> soup.'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> __________________________________________________________________
>>
>> Now this one is just too Precious...LOL!
>>
>> Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years,
>> they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
>> activit ies had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play
>> cards .
>>
>> One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,
>> 'Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time,
>> but I just can't think of your name! I've thought And thought, but I
>> can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.'
>>
>> Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
=0 A>> glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> _______________________________________________________________________
>>
>> SENIOR DRIVING
>>
>> As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
>> Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I
>> just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on
>> Interstate 77. Please be careful! '
>>
>> 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>> _______________________________________________________________________
>>
>> DRIVING
>>
>> Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
>> see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
>> intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
>> woman in the passenger seat thought to herself 'I must be losing it. I
>> could have sworn we just went Through a red light.'
>>
>> After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the
>> light was red. Again, they went right through. The woman in the
>> passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was
>> really concerned that she was losing it. She wa20s getting nervous.
>>
>> > At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went
>> on through. So, She turned to the other woman and said, 'Mildred, did
>> you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could
>> have killed us both!'
>>
>> Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving ?'
>>
>> TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!
>>

PROTEST TIME IN TN

STAFF is grabbing the sharpies
and headed to the basement to make
signs!



WE WILL BE IN THE STREETS
PROTESTING THE FOLLOWING:

1 GAS PRICE GOUGING
2
CONGRESS DOING NOTHING


3 THE SEC (GO VOLS!) but no the OTHER SEC.



4 AND Barney Frank (D-Mass.), the chairman of the Financial Services Committee. THANKS BARN FOR ALL THE GREAT WORK!





STAFF'S 401K IS OFFICIALLY
IN THE ASHE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE
OUTDOOR FACILITY! OK we had
most of it in Ipix but heck
the rest was safe we thought in
Lehman Brothers!

Due to the fact that it has been
a touch over 35 years since
we painted the LBJ MUST GO
signs we have done some
extensive PROTEST research and found
examples of some of the very best
Citizen Uprisings on record. STAFF
will MODEL our controlled riots
after these AND try to encourage
the participants to joining our uprising!

JOIN US IN THE STREETS! (location and
time to be kept secret due to possible
arrests, certain ELDERLY STAFF MEMBERS are
on their third strike and others are
on work release or the RUN) WE
ARE MADDER THAN HECK AND
WE CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!












A very old picture of a guy identified as Jack McElroy,
staff understands he may be living in the area and involved in
the news or publishing industry. IF you know where
he is call us, this is JUST The kind of man
we are looking for to be in the front line
of the protest and also to help us with the sign making!







ZEEK RIDINGS (ace journalist) reports the woman
holding the sign is also local, could be
writing for a publication in Halls
and might still have that
spark of revolution hidden deep in her
ink filled veins! Again if you know
her tell her we will be gathering
soon to formulate the march and would
love to have her in the FRONT LINE!









Research tells us years ago this guy
used to ride a black bicycle with a big box covering
it also in black, proclaiming the end was near.
He was seen near the Oliver Building and
also Dolf Browns in 1975 then just disapeared.
Today he has RETURNED and staff thinks he
would make a great spiritual advisor for our
marches!

Sep 16, 2008

PUMP PRICES MOVE

ZEEK RIDINGS reports this morning it only cost
one LEG to buy gas, thus leaving you that extra arm
to hold your middle finger higher as you leave!

The senior members of the
staff are hit the hardest.
Miss Bonny could no longer
afford the drive to
Piggly Wiggly due to the
tariff on regular so she
had to resort to killing her
pets just for food!

Senior type setter and ink sniffer
Old Jake has taken on a part time
job to pay for gas in his MoPed. Please
drop him a dime when passing, he is right
outside our office complex.

Our health editor,
Dr. Hank lives close enough
to where he can ROLL into
work. Even though it is an up
hill roll he always has time to
stop along the way and give a
fan a HAND.


The saddest case of all of our
elderly workers has to be that of
Mamaw Moneymaker. Because she
MUST drive to both attend church and
work at the mission on week nights
she has resorted to the worlds oldest
profession
Bless her heart so far she tells
us she has earned enough to buy three
quarts of gas or a sixer of
Pearl.


Pump prices are starting to fall...like right!
OK down from the HIGHEST in the NATION or
from CRIPPLING they are now STAGGERING, but
as for the national ranking we are still in the
top FIVE.

Sep 15, 2008

GAS IS HOW MUCH?

HIGH GAS PRICES ARE MAKING GRANDMOTHER USE AN
ALTERNATE TRANSIT SYSTEM TO GET TO THE
BINGO GAME!


BUT FIRST POLITICS!




Last week ZEEK RIDINGS came up with a brilliant idea of replacing the four major players in the race for the White House with four local media types.

As promised he has vetted all four of the locals and found them to be as qualified as any of the four running on the national stage.

Phil Williams (Republican Candidate for President) qualifications:
Loves his country
Owns an SUV
Plays golf
Goes to church


Margie (Republican Candidate for Vice President)
Worked in TV
Can predict rain (great asset when attending state funerals)
Loved by all who meet her
Owned an SUV

On the democrat side
Hal Hill (Democrat Candidate for President)
Knows five speeches
Listens to others when they agree with him
Has a winning smile
Sold an SUV once

Ed
(Democrat Candidate for Vice President)
Great smile
Transportation expert
Deeply involved with special interest groups (Yep the T shirts are given to him)
Smiles when reporting crashes of SUVs


Friday was the LAST presentation Style on WBIR.
Today history is being made as Channel 10 moves Live At Five into the Style time slot. The station is still looking for a name for the thing, click over and send yours in. Remember if you are thinking of a name that is off color, snide, insulting or just totally inappropriate send it to us instead!


How mad are you concerning the instant gas price jump locally? A couple of stories in the big paper just sucked up to those who sell it to us. Thanks local paper! If you want to really do something here is a great place to start! Gas Watch lets you target the stations who are sticking their pump handle where the sun don’t shine. Click over and go for your pound of flesh!

FRANCE of all places has come out with a great NO gas car that will let us lob the single finger salute at our local stations as we pass them by!
It is called……… The Renault Elastique


click over for the fascinating details on this car!

As always when news breaks we will break with the wind.
Stay TUNED!

Sep 10, 2008

ZEEK IS BACK

FLASH!!!
IF YOU ARE GOING TO THE UT GAME REMEMBER
THEY NOW HAVE CAMERAS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

HERE IS AN ANSWER TO ONE OF THE
CAMERA PROBLEMS!


ALSO IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT DO NOT
REPEAT DO NOT SWING IN THE STANDS!
CATCH THE SUCKER IN THE BATH ROOM,
THEN WEAR HIM OUT!





Zeek Riding, noted journalist and much sought after anchor replacement by MSNBC has surfaced from a single wide Clayton
Wobbly Box three miles south of Greenback near the head waters of Bat Creek. Ridings has been taxing his creative
genius to blend the white hot story of the race for the white house with the local media scene.

After a case of 40s Ridings had an epiphany of biblical proportions. Running to the crest of a near by ridge he managed to get a signal on his Cricket and call our new political editor, Chrystal Cream with the story. After a flurry of short hand notes and several broken 2 inch nails CC sent the story to the copy desk.

Zeek promises to be back in office Monday and thanks all of those who called into COPS about his whereabouts.


WHAT IF

By Zeek Ridings


What if we were to replace the four players in the race for the white house with four local media stars? Who would be who and more importantly who would WIN the key to the Monica Luv Rug room?

I (your humble reporter) Zeek Ridings can see the Republican ticket as Phil Williams ) as the presidential nominee and as the pick for the VP spot the last weather person
to get it right, Margie.

On the other side the only choice for the Presidential nominee would be News Talks own Hal Hill and for the second in command chair Ed (they gave me this shirt if I would wear it) Ruppper
.

Monday a profile of the candidates qualifications and expectations.


Style or the dream that never was is dieing a slow death. Rather than turning out the lights last week after the final show someone at 10 thought it would be great to look back at the best of Style. Viewers were amazed they found enough shows to fill a week, but they did! If you have yet to take a walk down memory lane Friday is your last shot. Come Monday ( as Jimmy B would say) Five moves to four and Style is no more! Say if you want to remember YOUR favorite Style show drop us a note and we sure will post it.

Radio 101, our favorite Knoxville radio blog is a year old and still churning out the memories that strike fear into the hearts of those who are still married. Earnest Baker famed all night talker on the old WETE and later the guy who wrote the news for those morning duds on WRJZ was featured. Because of the daily harpooning of Mr. Baker by the two (now out of work) louts on WRJZ the man became famous. Mr. B. told a story of standing in line at the old IGA in Ft. Sanders and watching a drunken student take way too long to find his eight quarters required to purchase a sixer of Old Milwaukee. The counter person chastised the young man, made fun of his intelligence and dropped the insults of all insults when he said, “You are dumber than Ernie BAKER!” Mr. B. said he quietly turned and as he exited the store he reportedly toppled an entire display of KOTEX into an open dairy case. Baker was one of the best.

CHECK THIS OUT!!
A kebabs cook-off featuring Russell Biven, co-host of WBIR, Channel 10's "Live at Five," and Neal Denton, University of Tennessee extension agent, will be 5 p.m. Thursday at New Harvest Farmers Market, 4775 New Harvest Lane.

Is it just staff or do you also think this election is bringing out more than the usual vitriolic rhetoric? Check out these notes from last week?

3 Comments

Anonymous said...
Is Style in re-runs this week? I thought they said their goodbyes this past Friday, the 5th.

Gonna miss that Glitterville. His Friday program was about cupcakes and there were so many double entrendes it was hilarious!

Sales of Depends adult diapers have hit an alltime high since Democrats started shitting in their pants over the Palin announcement. They're frantic in making up lies on an hourly basis to cover for their losing team.

Obama or Hot Mama? You decide.
Monday, September 8, 2008 5:51:00 PM EST

Ed...As for the exit of Style
it is kind of like Sonny's X old lady
retiring from Show Biz. Boy how long does it take
for something like that to finally walk toward the light?



Anonymous said...
Anon 5:51,

What's it like to be first in line to kiss John McCain's ass? A doddering old man who needs a drool cup under his chin?

His choice of the church lady proves that he and his party will do absolutely ANYTHING to get elected, including the sell-out of his core values to pander to the Bible-thumping wackos and hypo-Christians.

I might have supported McCain before this.

No way now.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008 7:29:00 AM EST

Ed....We are getting so MANY of these
hard core far left liberal commie posts
that I think it is a form note they pass
between e mail addresses. Question, what is
a Hypo-Christian? Does it have to do with what a
Baptist uses to shoot drugs? Sorry not sure what
you were talking about there, check your notes
and fire another one off to us.


Anonymous said...
There were so many closet Obama haters and now they are running around like freed slaves!

Today Obama called the VP a PIG!

He is crumbling under a WOMAN!
Can you fathom what he would have done across the table from any of the good friends of Jimmy Carter?

Ed....You wanta talk about crumbling under
a woman you should hear some of the old
John Boy stories when he did nights at
WRJZ! Friend they could bring a tear to a
glass eye!


Wednesday, September 10, 2008 12:07:00 PM E
What if a President Obama made a boo boo and said something offensive to the Russians or the Oil Cartel or the Chinese?

He needs to choose his words more carefully.

ummm...ummm...ummm...

Ed....Just why do you
think anything that comes out of that
guys mouth is HIS words? Bout the only
time we have seen him talk without notes
he sounds like Mel Tillis on speed!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008 6:48:00 PM EST Anonymous said...
With many thanks to Tom T. Hall.....


I was there on the day the monkey came into this world
His face was round and reddish and his hair was slightly curled
He didnt look too different from the others I had seen
Whod-a-thought he was the answer to the nations dream?

At first he didn't seem to be intelligent at all
Each time he'd start to walk about he'd stumble and he'd fall
My first impression was to be a most mistaken thought
Lord Amighty, what's this little hairy monkey wrought?

Because I witnessed his departure from his mother's womb
I felt inclined to check his progress every afternoon
One day the keeper of the zoo called in the live tv
Frankly said, I think you'll be amazed at what you see.

The monkey walked and talked and waved his arms about his head
In the corner was the stack of books that he had read
"An educated monkey!" said the papers cross the land
It was more than weary sociologists could stand

Oh, his fame was universal, he was on the Carson show
People talked about him kindly everywhere he'd go
His insight was amazing, his philosophy was fair
He became a politician welcome everywhere

His wit was not to be compared with any mind intact
He'd lace a phrase with irony and blend it all with fact
Conservatives applauded and the liberals were entranced
The bigots and the integrationists were in his camp

Nobody dared to meet him in an open press debate
He was nominated by the folks from every state
Yes, a monkey was the President, though maybe not the first
And there was peace and harmony throughout the universe

The dream I had last night has been related as it came
As for interpretation, well, its really very plain
Would you rather have a monkey up in Washington, D.C.
Or have those people making monkeys out of you and me?

I hope you smiled today. The political circus we're watching made think of this old song from years ago.

Ed...Did you know Tom wrote FOX ON THE RUN? Yep
the Ole Story Teller could flat put the Mont Blanc to
the paper when he wanted to!