THELMA IS ON THE CASE

After promising to ferret out
the long list of similarities
between Mike "The Odd" Rags
and John "The Wad" Edwards
last week dean of the reporting
department, Thelma Vines has
switched gears in mid stream on us!


Charging into the
4 O clock without even
changing from her softball
practice togs Thelma said
the hot NEW breaking story
the Knoxville morning
paper was butchering was that of
GREEN PEACE attacking the local
maker of Cottenelles!

Thelma said the real story of
the tree slaughter was rooted
in the attempted murder of
a famous redwood, named LUNA!
Because Thelma is older than
most redwoods and because ZEEK
RIDINGS finds her extremely
attractive she was given
the green light!


Thelma Vines

Tree Killing

Copyright pending

"The local cat cage liner had a story
this week on the assault on
a fine company by a group of
crazed trust fund children
who run with the far left
paramilitary group called
Green Peace! Because the morning
fish wrapper is begging everyone to retire
so they can show a profit their thin
reporting ranks failed to get to the
root of the story!

It all began when a personal friend
of mine, Julia Butterfly climbed a
giant redwood out west to protest the
cutting of trees. Julia stayed in the
lofty branches with the squirrels at great
risk for over two months. Often the
bushy tailed rodents would attack her
thinking they had never seen such a large
nut and if they could just drag it back to
their den they could feed a family of 70
all winter!

At last Julia prevailed and the tree, that she
named Luna which was short for her high school
nickname (Lunatic) was saved and now she is
the personal champion of all trees walking the
green mile!

Having both interviewed and even sat with
Julia in her tree I can tell you this woman
is dedicated to her wood. The real story is
Julia Butterfly learned after three short days
of slop bucket use her new best friend
in the tree was a case of Cottonelles!
She urges all of her followers to take
a pass on the assault of any facility that
produces Cottonelles and turn their
fight to newspapers, the real killer
of wood! Julia's boy friend Tray Moth

agreed adding that he has personally seen
early morning wood go from a proud, tall, rock hard,
sky reaching pillar of power to a withered
bent dried up nothing after he
caught my picture under my byline
in USA Yesterday!"

Thelma Vines




The other breaking story in
LOCAL media is who will
replace Ms Corn (Nebraska state fair 2001)
at WBIR?

Thelma and Zeek have worked up
a group of candidates and because
no one can ever remember the names of
TV people they are just going to
print their picture and let you make the call.


Zeek wants to remind everyone this
poll is unbiased and he has
nothing to do with the candidate selection
process!











FLASH!!!!!!
TONIGHT the ENQUIRER ANNOUNCED IT
HAS EVEN MORE ON JOHN "THE WAD" EDWARDS!
CHECK IT OUT!